Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
