Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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