You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
