i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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