So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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