I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
