Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
ugly people sure do ruin things
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize