Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
