the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
