its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
