Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
