i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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