did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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