Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
