Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize