just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
