I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
