i think my mom watched the whole time
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
