Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
