FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
