I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
