Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Acid is not a monday night drug
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
