pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
it's like iHOP with fire
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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