You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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