Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
