I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
