fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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