This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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