I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
