I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
