I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
