turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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