But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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