did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
