When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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