Where is the hickey?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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