Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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