I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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