It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
