I wish I could teleport
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
