Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
