i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
