Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
