please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
