I think i peed on brittanys purse
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
