After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
