I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
