wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Randomize
