you guys were way drunker than both of me
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
