i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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