sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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