Kiss
Puke
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
