I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
