Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize