Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
