God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
