There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
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