Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
