well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
