he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
