There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
