My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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