i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
