She said her name was "party"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
