it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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