2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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