I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
