I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
