If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
