I want to walk on stilts...naked
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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