Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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